As a candle burns I reflect
on 21 years of one day at a time,
feeling low to nothing,
breathing deep - silently - struggling,
waiting to move through it all
one day at a time.
The pain unbearable some moments, and
completely forgettable in others.
The friends I've made and those I've lost,
to death or change. Family gone
as I've grown older and those grown up,
my daughter - my nephew to name just two.
Recovery has been good to me, one woman said
just recently - it made me think - do I
appreciate all that has been given me
and taken away?
I am no longer the low to nothing girl,
I'm a woman, gentle and real.
I see now the glow of the candle that burns
within me - and I give it fuel.
It moves me, heals me, enlightens me, and
brings me joy. It elevates me when I'm low
and brings me back to earth when I escape -
occasionally. I am ellen, and the candle
within me is connected to all those touched
and untouched. For 21 years I've been learning,
this gift called life is beautiful.
