Labor of Love

Little child looking for comfort, finds a fist and a word to the wise.
Voice is silenced and vision is skewed, seeds of struggle are planted.
Flame still burns but ignition is hidden (safe and sound and quiet inside);
adolescence gives way to addiction, voice is silenced and vision is skewed.
Too many names and too many beatings, no one to run to for cover;
flame still flickers but it's hidden, adulthood arrives to addiction,
voice is silenced and vision is skewed.
Society has no protection against the weary or weak;
politicians are drug dealers in suits, and good leaders are killed for their skin,
voice is silenced and vision is skewed.
Flame begins to brighten, and the fist gives way to a hug,
never alone now, for years it's been a labor of love.
Silence gains a vision, and a voice says 'hello' to the day.

lack of action

breathe in all and only goodness, bundled up in wishes come true
change the language in my head to permanent positive action
no more sugar on my tongue and no more late nights
dotted buttons under my fingertips talk to a world of facebook friends
I am so blessed, and yet I tire of this daily grind I'm caught up in
rise and shine and move like a robot through the day and into the night
to lie quietly while ceiling fans turn, wishing for company,
customary sounds bring sleep yet again, and dreams of who knows what
to leave me groggy at sunrise, dragging my feet (and everything else)
down the stairs to liquid life and keyboard lighting the dark.
aahhhh another day - when will I get it? Or is there any getting it?
I am so grateful and somedays completely bored.

desire

As I look at bodies walking by I see images of nakedness
breasts, legs, bellies, and butt, arms and neck and shoulder blades.
The body is a miracle, all shapes and sizes and colors.

The movements are fluid, they remind me of a yoga class I once attended,
bodies bent and stretching, best in motion, memories in my mind.
I've always had a fondness for watching people, and admiring their form.

I've gained an appreciation for body parts that some might not,
in a sexual desirous kind of way.
Body parts are for exploring and hands have always been my thing,
for what they can ignite in me if properly placed on the body.

I've put my hands upon many,
for healing and pleasure, for warmth and support...
sometimes only for sexual desire, shared with a loved one.
My memory is full of love and life and sexual experiences!

My body responds to thought as if someone were lightly moving hands over me
in all the right places, with just the right touch, if I give into it.
Someday soon I may actually find out that my sexual self is still here,
about to breathe into new life!

A "peace" of hope

Quiet is the daytime, sun shines bright, and I close my eyes
quiet is the night with a sky full of stars and light dust
and I am peaceful, full of hope

Lying in bed longer than the sunrise and rest my soul
sleep comes easily in this town of quiet after sunset
bugs and birds, crickets in the night
sing their song of happiness
and I am peaceful, full of hope

Quiet is the sound of hummingbirds dancing in the wind
sweat rolls off my body as I play in fields of gold
and I am peaceful, full of hope

new day

wake up early, 4am early in fact
darkness still in the air, quiet
wake up again with determination
words put on paper to clear the mind
or make sense of it, either way works

no sun this morning, or cream for coffee
rain falls gently down and clouds roll past
a trip to Safeway for cream and coffee
donuts for the little one and bananas
coffee - ahhhh wake up and begin the day

random

hard wood and ceiling fan
turns slowly to cool the sweat upon my skin
and yours

hot air and light breeze makes for something
not spoken but familiar
from deep within

Iris's for Mary and I

here she comes, slow start but quickly now
I see the date and realize why some thoughts keep coming
it's the anniversary of that time in my life
the ending of yours

and I miss you

wonder why I'm teary at the treasured friendships
and new folks coming in
I'm reminded of my love for you and the fun we had
as sisters and women struggling
with family and relationships in our lives

and I miss you

If I close my eyes I can feel your presence
smiling
shaking your head and hand at me - and hugging me
with your pretty face and shining eyes

and I will see you again, but no time soon please
I've much to do yet...
and I am also not afraid

my cat walks up slowly and gently eases into my lap
everything in me says let it go
and I still hold on tight

I miss you

Rearrange...

I just put on a different pair of glasses and the world looks different, at least on this computer screen.

I plan to rearrange my green room - make space, clear debree, recycle treasured items...my mom slept here for 6 months before her passing, it's all a mess at the moment - but doesn't anything coming to be get messy first?

I have a myriad of feelings dancing around inside me; sadness, love, lust, joy, hope!

New beginnings - moving on from heartache and mayhem to solutions and acceptance. It's all in a day's work, or maybe a week of thought and reflection, hanging out with kindness and looking in a mirror at myself.

How sweet are my memories and snapshots I will hold forever in my heart.

So the mess surrounding me will soon be gone - with it repeated patterns of wishing and wanting for anything more than what I'm willing to stand up and ask for and work hard to get.

It makes sense to me (smile).

ellen