Eydie

oh she would call too late and ramble on
about how she knew what to do and how to do it
if only she could
and she really didn't want to hear what you had to say
just wanted you to be there to listen and support her
with her inabilities
she helped so many for so long until one day her foundation cracked
and she was never able to rebuild with the stability necessary to go on
sober
still wracked with pain and suffering and reaching out always
and starting over every time, if only since yesterday or two days ago
to put the bottle down
her raven black hair and eccentric sexy ways will always be remembered
with a smile on this face and a place in my heart with a sadness
that her life had to end so early...

So many love you Eydie, and your suffering is over!

9 seconds to gone

You didn't know we loved you so
hearts burst every time you walked in
smiles bigger than life and energy too
but you didn't let it in, you didn't feel

the love we had for you was real and good and honest

Every moment made in history good for you was done by you
no harm could come from some unseen untrusted soul
you never trusted anyone to be there when you called
only from experience could you see and draw upon

the love that came your way was true and big and good

The songs you sang and the fun held only for an instant
after that you drank your sorrows under,  but they always return
my friend, temporary relief only heightens the pain of yesteryears
true healing is what you needed and were afraid to see

we've been there, but you didn't believe the love

And now you're gone and we can only feel you in our memories
tears shed for all that never was or will be shattered by a loaded gun
I love you John, and so do all those who ever knew you
we miss the man you were and couldn't see in the mirror through the pain

that could have been gently healed in winter...

WTF

who said I had to understand this stuff - life
days gone by and time has a way of moving fast
when you want it to move slow
and of moving slow when you want it to move fast

often my perception misunderstands and if given time
and patience things are explained to me with clarity
I shared last night, bits of my story
and bits of me went missing
as I resigned for the evening, sleep came quickly

awakening to sunshine and coffee
beautiful baby faces and a new man in my house
well my knight actually, but he is new today
I pray it continues on this current path
or I accept quietly a different will than mine

today is Friday and we have summer hours

Hello new day...

I could have been ticked off today at the 'no' I received
to a question to have off tomorrow.
What would that have served me?
Certainly nothing good.

Anger - resentment - hate - paypack...
all spawns of the darkness, and I am the light
of my day, of my life, and my tomorrows...

Hello new day, and what say you for yourself?

April 23rd...

If I remembered your birthday
would it have made a difference
in the scheme of things I only knew
your sign was just like mine
a blast from the past you are
and so many memories, things to say
missing pieces in the story of you and me
and who we became ...
after the storm passed
and the food began to stay down again
and the days didn't seem so cloudy
and I could hear the music in my head

Life has a funny way of returning
to that which is most important
and if you aren't willing to show up for it,
chances are it won't present itself
but when it does and if you are ready
wow
what a wave of coolness it brings
long ago laughter returns and you feel like 14 again,
but you're not and it all
feels different somehow than then,
but the same in some odd way

I fell in love with a dear friend once,
from the past - nothing ever said of it
he's taken and that's not all
love is really in the moment what?
a connection, a desire filled,
to be seen - really seen - and touched - really touched
the meeting of two hearts
on a level that no one but them can understand
yes, life has a funny way of showing up
if you're ready for it - and you grow

and I grow, and I have grown,
and I thank a few
and many
deeply



ironic - feelings and thoughts

i always seem to get on here when i feel sad or down, lonely or heartbroken, confused or angry
occasionally i suppose i write when i am happy actually mostly i write when i have extreme emotions

today i feel sad, tears flow easily over what i'm not quite sure, but they're falling silent down my cheeks

last night i saw a movie of a boy who's dad died on 9/11 in the burning building and i was moved to tears, more for the depth of character the movie depicted, which i have utmost respect for, and feel I often lack, but that's not true either, which is cause for sadness, the being one who doesn't see worth but knows it's there, intellectually

it's a dilemma, this human existance (i am having trouble spelling that) funny...
i wish that i could just type it all in a few words, but that would be too easy wouldn't it

random, or not so much, thoughts

Why is it that some days move like snails in sand and other days fly by?
Is it the attitude with which I face the day that determines the speed I move through it?

How many do I have left? Or those I love?
Does it matter so long as I tell them of my love for them, through eternity?

My dad said after 30 time goes quickly. I say after 50 it zooms past.

All eyes upon the hourglass make for gloom.
With no regard to the time of day I can enjoy the moments - each one.

I must express my love for all humanity in some other way today. For this moment I'll speak it here, and see what it brings to my heart.

...and all is well.